Hi gurlz , it's Suzey, prez of the official Jonaz Brotherz Fan Klub. Here is the latest kewl stuff on these hunks! I've received lots of emails this month from members of the fan club. Here is a photo of me with my new boyfriend, Garth. Wanna know the best place to find kewl guys like Garth? Well, girls, just check out the Special Olympics! That's where I hooked up with Garth. Wanna know the best way to keep that dream boat once you have got him? If your stud is anything like my Garth, sucking his pecker a couple of times a day will keep him close to home!
Many mags are saying that our boys are losing ground to that bitch Justin Bieber. In fact, many predict the Jonaz Brothers will be going the route of the Back Door Boys and will fade from existence. I have started a fund. When we get enough money I am going to ask that creepy terrorist guy with a beard who lives on my street if he will put a Jihad on Bieber's ass. He has to be an Al Kweeda cuz he has a real fucked up name, he is calling himself Rabbi Fishburger or something like that. Gawd!
FAN MAIL
- My ex-BFF, Carey-Anne, who is 13 (but acts like a retarded 8), says she read in Teen Mag that Kevin lost his virginity in Nick's hand. What a cunt! I'm going to kick that fucking bitch out of our Klub for saying something that nasty.
- This is tooo kewl gurlz! Jessica, 11 and lives in New York, wonders if you have heard the best news ever! Joe has removed his Purity Ring! Gurlz, do you know what this means? We can get back to letting the cool Seniors fuck us in the locker room during class break. Jessica wonders if blow-jobs were included in the "Purity Ring Vow"? No they weren't because the Boyz are totally into blow-jobs.
- La Queeta, who is a 14 year old Negro, emailed and asked if she can start a Jonaz Brotherz Fan Club in Compton? What do you say gurlz? Do you think the Boyz would want gurlz of other persuasions coming to their concerts? I think as long as they don't go 'jungle' while at concerts and act like real ladies it should be fine. Do send me your emails. Personally, I think it would be sooo kewl and sooo radical if we were into being soooo non-racists.
- Contrary to what that mean, nasty hooked nosed Jew, Howard Stern, told his audience, Joe & Nick haven't been diagnosed with the "latent homosexuality gene". The reason they were seen with their hands in each others pants was cuz they were checking to make sure they didn't have "mumps"!! So there you hooked-nose faggot!
- Britney M. is 15 and lives in Montecito, CA, has some scary news about Nick! He recently spent some time in a L.A. hospital. But don't worry gurlz, he's OK. That fucking jizz-bitch, cum-guzzler, Paris Hilton, played a nasty trick on the Boyz. She planted her bare butt against the window of their Tour Bus. None of the Boyz have seen "pressed beaver" never, ever before. Nick thought for sure it was a 'face-hugger' from that really creepy, scary movie Alien! He was sooooo shocked, the ambulance man said he had to bitch-slap him several times to bring him to his senses. I could just kill that jizz-breath Paris! Who joins me in that sentiment? KEWL!
- Lacey K., who is 13 and lives in Boca Raton FLA., says that she was in the same hotel as the Boyz when they were in Florida. She even spent a couple of hours with them in the hot tub. She nearly drowned when the Boyz forced her to give them hummers. Joe said she is one of the cutest girls he has had on his knob. Later that evening, Kevin asked Lacey up to his suite and asked her if she would pop out her glass eye so he could give her a different kind of 'head'!
- Did anyone see the Boyz on Larry King, Kevin said he felt really sorry for Miley Cyrus. He saw her naked and she must have been in an accident and lost her wiener!
- Marisa T., President of the NY Chapter, said the Brothers volunteered to do a benefit concert for a major charity next month. The NAMBLA president said they have had to move the event from the the Shriners Hall to Madison Square Gardens because the overwhelming ticket demands from members of the club. The door prize will be a romantic get away with the Brother of choice! They sure sound like such a kewl club.
- Joe called 911 recently telling the operator he might be dead and rigor mortis is setting in. Turned out Joe had his first erection!
